Getting back to an ex can be difficult, but it is possible. One common error people make when they break up is being overly clingy.
Instead, try casually reestablishing contact like daytime texting and phone calls. Do not pry into their solo journey or brag about yours as it will come off as desperate.
1. Make Initial Contact
When you’re finally ready to reconnect with your ex, it can be tempting to text them or call them right away. However, you must remember to play it cool so that they don’t think you’re desperate. This will make them more likely to be hesitant and want to meet up instead.
It’s also important to avoid mentioning any negative aspects of the relationship that caused it to end. If you do, they’ll have a preconceived notion of what you’re like as a partner and may be less inclined to give it another shot. Instead, focus on what’s great about the relationship. For example, mention that you enjoy going on dates together or how much fun it is to spend time with their family.
During the initial contact period, keep the conversations short and sweet. This will allow them to get accustomed to talking with you again without overwhelming them. Also, it’s important to show them that you are confident and happy with yourself, no matter what happened with the previous relationship.
After a few quick messages, try to schedule a call or coffee date for the next day. This will make them feel special and show that you’re interested in them again. Try to set this up during a time that is convenient for them so they don’t have to worry about work or other commitments.
Make sure to talk about how well you’ve been doing lately. This will pique their interest and make them want to see how you’ve been doing since the breakup. Additionally, it’s okay to talk about some of your goals and how you’re working toward them. This shows that you’re growing as a person and are embracing change.
2. Be Patient
Some relationships end and people move on. But there are also those who are determined to get back together and make things right. Unfortunately, getting your ex back can be a very difficult process. But those who stick with it can often find themselves happier than ever when the process is complete.
The first step is being patient. It’s a good idea to give yourself time and space after the breakup to reflect on what went wrong and learn from your mistakes. This will help you to become a more mature and understanding person. It will also allow your emotions to calm down. The last thing you want to do is revert to the old “clingy” behaviors that led to your breakup. Being overly clingy is one of the biggest reasons why relationships end up failing in the first place. It can cause your ex to feel obligated and resentful towards you.
Another way to be patient is to set clear boundaries and communicate them clearly. For example, if you don’t want your ex hanging out with other friends, be honest about it. Similarly, if you aren’t interested in having sex with your ex, say so. Likewise, if you want to spend time with family or doing hobbies you enjoy on your own, say so.
Additionally, it’s important to be able to identify your own motivations for wanting your ex back. Be sure to be aware of any underlying issues that may be at play, such as low self-esteem, feelings of guilt or inadequacy or fears about not being worthy of another partner. This will allow you to address them before the relationship gets off on the wrong foot again.
3. Be Honest
It may be difficult to be totally honest with your ex, but it’s a necessary step if you want to get back together. Be sure to talk about any issues that contributed to the breakup and show remorse for your part in them. Avoid playing the blame game or asking for a reciprocated apology, however; this will only make you both feel even more guilty.
If you’re still harboring feelings for your ex, it’s important to let them know that you care about them without being needy or obsessive. This way, they’ll have the opportunity to decide whether or not getting back together is a good idea.
Overly clingy behavior is one of the most common reasons for relationships to fail. You might have become so obsessed with your ex that you felt like they were the only thing that mattered to you. Or, perhaps you had begun to rely on them for emotional support or approval. Whatever the reason, it’s important to understand where you went wrong so that you can change your ways before trying to reconnect with an ex.
If you’re still unsure of how to approach the subject, try dropping them a text that says something along the lines of “I wanted to let you know that I’m thinking about you.” This lets your ex know that you care about them, but it’s also not a demand for a reconciliation. It also demonstrates that you’re not looking to rush things; instead, you’re willing to give it some time and set some boundaries that you won’t compromise on. This will help your ex trust that you’re serious about the relationship and not just playing games.
4. Be Flexible
It’s important to be flexible when you’re trying to make a friendship work with an ex. You may need to set physical, emotional, or time boundaries to avoid slipping back into romantic territory. It’s also helpful to have a sense of humor and be willing to accept your former partner’s quirks, even if they’re annoying.
For example, if your ex’s forgetfulness drives you nuts, it may be time to talk about the issue. Whether it’s a learning behavior or an entrenched difference in values that stems from big life decisions, compromises will likely be necessary.
Cullins says it’s also critical to be “over your ex” before you try to be friends again. This means being able to spend time with them without it feeling painful, tense, distracting, or inappropriately intimate. You should also be able to separate the relationship from nostalgic feelings and manage them in a healthy way.
This flexibility will be especially important if you decide to have physical intimacy with your ex, like casual sex. This isn’t necessarily out of the question if you both agree to it and keep the relationship strictly platonic. But it’s a decision that should only be made after you’ve established clear physical, emotional, and time boundaries that feel comfortable to you.
5. Be Receptive
If you want to get your ex back, you must be receptive to their needs and feelings. It’s important to avoid exhibiting any behavior that may have contributed to the breakup in the past. For example, if your former partner found you needy and manipulative during the relationship, it’s probably best to steer clear of any nagging or begging that could push them away.
This includes things like begging them to call you, pleading with them for another chance, and trying to make them jealous by hanging out with other people and flirting with other potential romantic partners. It also means avoiding any behaviors that are likely to cause friction, such as making negative comments about their friends or coworkers or spreading false rumors.
It’s also important to be receptive to their signals, even if they aren’t positive. For instance, if they’re giving you mixed messages by ghosting or ignoring you one day and expressing how much they miss and love you the next, this is their way of telling you that they need space (or perhaps they don’t want to be in a relationship with you at all).
Likewise, if your former partner is saying “I’m sorry” for what they did and then they’re not willing to commit to a new and healthy future together, they may be trying to tell you that they’re simply not ready to give you a second chance. Respect their wishes and move on.